I had trouble deciding whether or not I should slot this review into my “realistic” feature category of toys. The Real Nude Ergo clearly resembles a penis. It has testicles. It has a head with some sort of coronal ridge. And it comes in this peachy skin tone as well as a darker skin tone. But the realism ends there.
Okay, okay… I’m not sure if you actually have to fantasize about a great big purple dinosaur while using it. But, if any of you secretly have a burning urge to do so, now is your time to shine.
In this world, you can put sex toys into one of three categories. (1) Sex toys that don’t work for you at all. (2) Sex toys that don’t work at first, then feel better as you get used to them. and (3) Sex toys that make you want to weep from pleasure from the moment they touch you. For me, the Tantus Mikey falls into that last (3) category. From the very first session, and every session following, this dildo has rendered me into one of those helpless it-feels-too-good-I-can’t-feel-my-legs states.
Doesn’t the Tiger make your mouth water? Doesn’t it remind you of summertime strawberries and cherry lipstick and cold sugary drinks? It did for me, at first. Now it just reminds me of sex.
I like this one. A lot. This is a stunning dildo. Right now my house is scattered with dildos, but the First Mate hasn’t left my desk between playtimes to be packed away or put away in my storage. It’s sexy to look at, which I feel is essential during playtime. It’s always great to be provided with visual stimulation while things are heating up.
The Admiral. It’s a great name. Can you hear the seagulls? The waves lapping against the ship’s hull? The Admiral shouting orders to his crew of sweaty sailors? I love the idea of naming a dildo after a rank in the navy. It immediately sparks my imagination….
When I first opened up Mark, it took me a while to stop squeezing it with my hand. It’s seriously fun to squeeze. Once I got used to this new-found squishy funtime, I got around to inserting it. Thanks to its super smooth surface, it slid in without a hitch with water-based lube. There was no pulling or catching on skin to speak of. Best of all, it feels really realistic. Its head, though pronounced, didn’t scrape up painfully against my g-spot or hurt it in any way. Mark doesn’t hurt.