I love orgasms.
I’m a self-professed lazy masturbator — I don’t want to have to work hard for pleasure, which is why I have such high expectations for my sex toys. I love anything that’ll do all the work and bring me to orgasm. By extension, this means that there are few things in this world that I enjoy more than a great body-safe sex toy. Chocolate and cheese, maybe. But unlike sex toys, chocolate and cheese promptly vanish the moment I touch them. And they (regrettably) don’t bring me to orgasm. Sex toys are more reliable.
But some sex toys are so crushingly horrible that I’m tempted to build a little mound of them and set them on fire. Unfortunately, my apartment doesn’t allow open bonfires of flaming dildos.
And why do I have those bad sex toys to begin with? Because there were no reviews on that product. Or, even worse: the available reviewers glossed over the bad features and sugar coated them until they sounded like a plate of cupcakes.
I don’t commit this grave act of sex toy sugary betrayal. All of my reviews are 100% frank, honest, and unbiased. (Want to work with me? See more details here.) Of course, all bodies are built differently, and I encourage you to always read a few reviewers to get an broad range of opinions on a product. I myself need deep, strong, rumbly vibrators.
I’ve been reviewing toys since the early hours of 2015. My first year was shaky, insecure, and sported some truly horrible blog design choices, but I somehow was fortunate to stick it out, meet some amazing people, and hoard roughly three billion sex toys. Some of them were even pretty good (Tango, I love you, Tango, I do…). And, as you can see, I’m still kicking around.
Call me Ruby. Not Rubby, not Rudy, and definitely not Gruby. I am a Canadian sex-positive cis-gender woman (pronouns: she/her). I have a cis-gender husband, so when I’m discussing couples toys, I’m probably referring to PIV sex. As a sex-positive woman, I want to foster a shame-free environment for all things consensual (if it’s between enthusiastic consenting adults, it’s a-okay!)
I like cats and books and mugs of tea and Christmas moves in August. I do not like coffee. No, I do not live in an igloo, even though I live in Canada. Yes, we really do each French fries covered in gravy and cheese here. No, I do not ride a moose to work.
I’ve been collecting sex toys for years. With each toy I’ve bought, I’ve always had so much to say. There’s always so much to complain about. And so much to love. And who better to share all my raving and growling and applauding than with you, dear reader?