I get all kinds of awesome questions through my Ask Ruby contact form and through comments on posts. Seeing as some of you might find my answers useful, I’m sharing them in blog post format. Enjoy!
Have a question? Ask away!
Question: Hi! Love the site. I’m in need of a few recommendations for strap ons and harnesses for “beginners” …by beginners I mean from a top perspective. Also, any tips for rocking her world?
Ooooh, strap on shopping! That’s fun ^.^
I really don’t know what your level of expertise is, so I’m going to also include some really basic stuff. Sorry if repeat things you already know!
Some general tips:
- Whatever your first purchase, make sure that your harness comes with a removable O-ring. My first one (the Kinky Monkey harness) couldn’t switch its O-ring for a larger/smaller one. This really limited me to dildos with the right girth for the built-in O-ring. You can move towards built-in O-rings once you know that you’re happy using a particular diameter of dildo.
- I don’t know if you already have a dildo to use. If you don’t (and if you don’t get a dildo/harness set), remember to buy a toy that has a flat flared base. This will let it be held in the O-ring harness. Also make sure the diameter will fit in the O-ring of the harness you’re getting.
- Choose your size carefully. You need a harness that fits really snugly to your body. A loosely-fit harness will make thrusting difficult.
I recommend starting with something like this. I’ve heard good things about it. It comes with a few different O-rings so you’ll likely be able to use any dildos you already have. It also has a waterproof sheet on the platform, which will make clean up a bit easier. It’s very similar to the Tantus one I’ve tried.
If you want to try something a bit more femme, you could go for a corset-style Sportsheets one. Sportsheets is a pretty established brand, and this particular harness comes with metal O-rings (which I personally prefer to plastic).
Strap on Dildo recommendations
- If your partner is a bit worried about using a thick dildo, you could start with one of Lovehoney’s slimmer dildos.
- The Kendall Swirly has a beautiful soft silicone texture. I have this dildo and it feels very luxe in use. Girthy though.
- Go for something like the Tantus Charmer if your partner wants extra g-spot texture. I can easily recommend any Tantus dildo, but be aware that the non O2 dual density products can be on the hard side.
- The Vixen Mustang is unfortunately phallic, but I absolutely LOVE this line of dildos. It’s more expensive though, but definitely, something to look into if you can budget it.
- Always stick to silicone dildos. Silicone dildos are more expensive but they’re much safer to use than a porous material. If you plan to share your dildo between your partner and yourself, silicone is the way to go because it can be 100% sterilized.
- If you have a pelvic floor of iron, you could try one of these Desire Luxury Strapless Strap-on dildos, which require you to hold the dildo internally using your Kegels. I wouldn’t recommend this for a first time though, but something to think about/work towards.
Tips for rocking her world, you say?
- Keep communication open at all times. Check in with her often.
- If you’re using a curved dildo, turn the dildo around during doggy-style so the curve is pointing downwards. Better g-spot contact.
- Shop for dildos together! I’m really particular about my dildo tastes and I have to like the look of one (even the colour) for me to enjoy using it, so involve her as much as possible.
- Use a TON of water-based lubricant. Dildos like to eat up lubricant. My favourite brand is Sliquid. Their stuff is amazeballs.
- I may be totally biased, but I think it’s always a good idea to have a trustworthy clitoral vibe nearby, one small enough for her to use even in missionary position. My go-to small clit vibes are the We-Vibe Tango and the We-Vibe Touch.
I hope this helped at least a tiny bit! As you can see, you have a lot of options! (Now you realize why I have so many freaking toys…there’s a lot of great stuff out there).
Last Updated on November 6, 2023 by Miss Ruby